Weekend Epiphany?

First, in the last seven days, I’ve made three cakes. They’ve kind of been last minute, and I think a bit lack-luster.

My daughter’s death by chocolate cake. It was really yummy.
A neighbor’s movie themed cake.
My son got the left over fondant from earlier in the week.

So, what about that weekend epiphany?

It seems my emotional well being has been more of a roller coaster lately than normal. This could be due to living on an average of four hours of sleep, or it could just be that it’s time to re-evaluate my life.

There are two desires in my life that are at odds with one another. The writing dream and my family. For the last three years, I’ve struggled to find that balance to keep both sides happy. And failed miserably. It seems I must sacrifice one for the other, but I know it doesn’t have to be that way.

I thought about the posts I’ve written lately about not quitting. Then I realized something. Maybe it’s time to tweak the dream.

I’d already decided that one day I would be willing to go the small publisher route. But I wanted to exhaust my agent list first. This weekend I realized that in order to keep my family in tact (and happier than it is now), I needed to move this writing thing along.

My agent querying is even slower than the publishing world. I’ve only queried 23 agents over the course of a year. I know a lot of people do that in a month. I don’t know why I’m so slow. Perhaps it’s the underlying fear of actually succeeding? Or the fear that I’m just not ready–for whatever reason.

But I am ready. And this weekend I realized, I don’t care how it happens. I just want my book out there so other people can enjoy it.

This week I’m attending the Muse Online Writer’s Conference and pitching to one agent and three publishers. If one of them says yes, and their vision fits with mine, I’m going to say yes. I know there will still be a lot of work before the actual release date, but at least things will be moving forward again. I also have three agent queries ready to go. I’ll might send them too since I’ve already done the work. I dunno know though. My heart just isn’t in it this week. (Update: I think its because when I pitch I make a much better impression than I do in my queries. With one pitch down, I have a request for a full. I guess I answer questions in a way that gets people excited about Sendek. Now if only they would see that in the MS…)

It might be the wrong decision, but for the first time in a long time, I feel at peace. At least I decided something.


What do you think? Should I stick it out, or go with a small publisher? Say anything you want, this is a free blog and you won’t hurt my feelings. 🙂 I also know several of you are with small publishers. Please share your favorite thing about going this route.

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About charitybradford

Science fiction and fantasy writer and blogger. My first novel is now available--The Magic Wakes (WiDo Publishing, 2013)

Posted on October 5, 2011, in cakes, Help, Personal Journaling, Query, seeking agents, Totally Random Thoughts, Weekly Goals, World of Sendek. Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. What a question. I can't tell you to go one way or the other, but I, personally, would do whatever it takes to see my book in print and move on to the next.

  2. Whatever makes you happy. Writing should not be a miserable experience and writers are not a depressing lot! Um, okay, maybe I am while on submission, but that's why I throw all my passion into my writing. Do what your heart dictates. We will be cheering for you!

  3. This is a question that only you can answer Charity. All I can tell you is that when the offer comes, it will feel right to you. Go with that feeling.

  4. A lot of people are opting to go self-pub, a lot of others are opting for small publishers. It's a matter of what fits YOU. It's definitely discouraging with how long the process takes to get a book published. I've heard getting an agent is as hard or harder than getting an editor. But conferences are definitely a great place to make those contacts–with agents or editors. I found my agent at an SCBWI conference! (but after going to conferences for about 8 years total!)

  5. i love your cakes! i used to bake, but kroger is so much better and easier…request for a full! thats great! i think that means you are close! stick w/it until you cant any more. (thats what i'm doing and i'm no where near close) i dont think you're there yet.happy querying!

  6. Such a great post! Love visiting your blog! Lola xhttp://lola-x.blogspot.com

  7. I say go for it! If this gets you published, it will be worth it! But then I'm not even AT the stage of querying yet! http://theworldofmyimagination.blogspot.com

  8. I definitely think it's worthwhile expanding your options. Do you read India Drummond's blog? If you haven't already, I recommend you read this post: http://www.indiadrummond.com/2011/08/16/ordinary-angels/ It provides some info that I think would be very useful to know before signing with a smaller publisher. I really hope you achieve your writing dreams, Charity. You deserve it. 🙂

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